3 Reasons Why Talking About Sex with Your Partner is So Difficult
Blame Your Mom. (Just kidding…)
First, like it or not, you might find answers to this question by inquiring about how sexuality was handled in your family of origin. Was sex ever discussed or honored in your home when you were growing up? Were you taught that sex is a normal part of adult life or was it a taboo and never discussed? If you find yourself saying, “we never talked about sex,” you’re not alone. With no models or teachers on the matter, we don’t know what such conversations might look or sound like. Is it any wonder we don’t know how to do it?
Fear of Rejection
Questions press from the back of our minds on these matters that raises the stakes by tying your partner’s response to your self esteem. We might think: “What if I learn they find me sexually unattractive?” Or, “what if I find out that I am not good at sex?” Ouch! The thought is so painful that we steer around these questions out of fear.
Third – and this ties closely to number 2 – is the topic of sexual shame. Perhaps you’ve been teased in a hurtful way, rejected or simply been taken for granted. If so, you may have come to associate sex with embarrassment and emotional pain. Not surprising that we enter our adult sexual lives uncertain and afraid how to talk openly about sex. For good reason, your unconscious might be diligently working to keep all those doors to sexual intimacy and great sex closed because what lies behind them is scary or it hurts.
Interestingly, these blocked emotions show up in the body. The configuration that I often encounter in my clients is a large energy block in the mid-back area, or blockages in the neck, vocal cords, and throat chakra. I work with them to restore feeling to those areas as a first step toward healing and wholeness. That energy shift helps you reclaim sexual confidence.