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The One, Single Word that Holds the Key to Understanding Your Relationships


As we’re entering the third year of the COVID-19 pandemic, have you noticed the way people-friends, neighbors and strangers- are greeting each other?

What I’m sensing behind the “hellos” we’re exchanging is an energy and background of “it’s so good to connect with a live human being again!”

How can a better understanding of “hello” be used to better understand our relationships? 

For example, have you ever found yourself saying:

“How did I get in this relationship?”
“What was I thinking?”
“Were just my hormones driving the bus?”

Sound familiar? 

If you’ve ever been deeply troubled or puzzled by a relationship (platonic, romantic, business) and find yourself wondering, “why didn’t I see this coming?” or realizing, “this relationship SO doesn’t meet my needs,” then keep listening.

Maybe you don’t understand why you put effort into a romance with someone who is noncommittal, and you wanted a commitment
Why you chose to work on a project with someone and wound up doing most of the “heavy lifting.”
You know you’re careful to choose friends who are supportive and positive, but find yourself asking “why did I pick this friend who is anything, but?”
You’re a perceptive person and you’re pretty good at sensing another person’s nonverbal cues.

So what are you missing?

“Hello” defines your relationship the first time you meet someone.

Yep. Here’s why: 

According to principles adapted from subtle energy anatomy, when you initially meet someone and say “hello,” you make a subconscious agreement with them that plays a central role in defining your relationship.

The thoughts you were thinking at the very moment you said the “hello” is attributed to the other person and how they fit into your world. In psychology, this is called projection. 

Example 1: Jerry Maguire

Remember the movie Jerry Maguire? When Renee Zellweger’s character said, “You had me at hello.”

Her “hello” carries its associated, unspoken agreement she made with Jerry, “I’m yours.”

“Hellos,” of course, are not just limited to romance. Whenever I meet another parent from my daughter’s school, I greet them with a “hello” that says, “I believe it takes a village, so let’s keep our kids healthy and educated.” I then use whatever intuition I have (followed by some friendly words) to make sure we’re on the same page.

Hello can mean all sorts of things!

Example 2: Adele

One of the more popular “hellos” comes from the song Hello by Adele. According to an interview she gave to Rolling Stone, she explained the words.

“Hello from the other side” [stands for]… “the other side of becoming an adult, making it out alive from your late teens, early twenties.” It could therefore be interpreted that Adele’s “hello” in that song communicates, “I’m different now, I need you to see me as an experienced adult.”

Example 3: Seinfeld

In Seinfeld, and the way Jerry and his nemesis Newman, the mailman, exchange “Hello” was as a camouflaged sneer of contempt. It was shorter to say hello than what they really meant, “I don’t like you.”

If there’s been a change in the energy conveyed in the “hello” over time in a relationship, say due to a conflict, it can go from neutral to guarded. For example, with someone you meet at work and later decide they’re untrustworthy, or with a couple that’s no longer together: the “hello” that was once excited has become irritated. On the flip side, in some relationships, the energy behind the “hello” becomes enriched because it’s grown into a positive, long-term, relationship.

Paying attention to your “hellos” can help you take charge of your life

Hello is your tool to help assess, change, deepen or end your relationships. It’s as simple as understanding the differences between that first “hello” and the type of “hello” now in your relationship. When you recall your initial “hello,” you can check to make sure you’re still in alignment with that. If you discover someone “had you” at hello, for example, and now you’re feeling like you’re being taken advantage of, you could begin to change that agreement with your next “hello.” Instead of communicating, “I’m yours,” you could energetically project (or act as if you) “only spend time with people who give as well as take.”

In this way, it can give you the insight you need to continue to nourish fulfilling relationships.

Ready to give it a try?

Grab a pad of paper and pen to take notes.

In a quiet space, without distractions, including your computer or phone, close your eyes and take some deep breaths.

Visualize a person whom you are having problems with. You could be in any type of relationship with this person; platonic, romantic, business or something else. In your memory, travel back in time to think about when you first met and the context that meeting occurred.

As you picture that person, feel in your body what’s happening. See if you can find, in your body, where you feel a cord (like a heartstring), or energy (maybe a lightness or heaviness), or an attachment to that person (perhaps you’re deeply intertwined). Ask yourself, what was happening in your life when you met? And finally ask, what was your agreement? What were you conveying in that very first “hello”?

You may have a “flash of insight” in the form of a thought, words, feelings, pictures, physical sensations; maybe even a symbol of some sort.
Write down whatever comes to you. Even if you can’t think of anything, write, “I can’t think of anything, I don’t know.” \

If your answer is “I don’t know,” then try “walking with” the question, which means keeping it in the back of your mind, until something comes to you at a later date.

Are you ready to try and identify your “hellos” and possibly change the agreements you made when you met someone?

If your initial “hello” in your relationships have radically changed, and you’re feeling lonely, sad, angry or confused, I can help.
Schedule a free video call with me. Come to the call with your #1 challenge and I will give you one action step to get you a result.
If one of my programs feel like a fit for you, then let’s talk about it.

In the meantime, experiment with this exercise and let me know how it went.

Post Author: Julie Schmit